6
The Pastor's Class
Created for Sex
Genesis 1:27 - 28 & Genesis 2:25
The Great Taboo
The chosen topic for today's lesson is one that is most often neglected when it comes to bible teaching. God has created us as sexual beings. Our sexuality is powerful, wonderful, pleasurable and purposeful. Yet the very mention of the word oftentimes brings a sense of uneasiness and even guilt or shame.
Today our purpose will be to discover how we can use this wonderful gift according to His purpose and for His glory.
Genesis 1:27 - 28
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
1. God's first command to mankind was to do what?
God's first command was for mankind to "be fruitful" multiply, increase in number. It is God's desire and design for mankind to procreate. Life is sustained through procreation. God created man and woman so that they would find completeness only in companionship with one another. Sexual union would be the ultimate expression of their unity.
Sexuality vs. Spirituality
God created us as spiritual beings and He created us as sexual beings. For two thousand years Christians have struggled with these two natures. When we think sexual, we think sensual, and when we think sensual, we think sinful. Therefore we oftentimes struggle with the idea of being sexual and spiritual at the same time.
Genesis 2: 20b - 24
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
2. According to the scripture what is the reason a man would want to leave his parents and seek out a wife?
The need for fulfillment. Alone we are incomplete. Our desire is to be whole to be one. It is God's design that a man's desire is toward a woman and a woman's desire is toward a man.
It is only in the male, female relationship that there is a suitable environment for the giving and nurturing of new life.
3. How would you interpret the phrase "and they shall become one flesh."?
This desire to become one touches the spiritual, physical and the emotional part of us. Becoming one requires total involvement.
Discovering Oneness
Loving intimacy is the social, emotional, spiritual and physical sharing of oneself with a partner in ways which create closeness, honest communications and communion. Intimacy involves the sharing of deep feeling (not necessarily verbal) through touch and visual stimulation, using our bodies as well as spirits to comfort and pleasure one another. This intimacy has value in itself and may or may not lead to erotic activity.
Genesis 2: 25
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
This is for me one of the most intriguing verses in the bible. This verse says that God created us to be able to enjoy each other in intimate ways and to do so without shame.
4. According to God's design what is the appropriate way for mankind to express himself/herself sexually?
God created one man and one woman and placed them together in a covenant relationship for a lifetime. It is within the covenant relationship of marriage that we can enjoy sexual intimacy without shame or fear.
A Love Story
“One night as I was sleeping, my heart awakened in a dream. I heard the voice of my lover. He was knocking at my bedroom door. ‘Open to me, my darling, my treasure, my lovely dove,’ he said, ‘for I have been out in the night. My head is soaked with dew, my hair with the wetness of the night.’
“But I said, ‘I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?’
“My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. I jumped up to open it. My hands dripped with perfume, my fingers with lovely myrrh, as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my lover, but he was gone. I yearned for even his voice! I searched for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply.
How does reading this excerpt make you feel, embarrassed, shameful, excited? This passage is taken from one of the earliest romance novels titled "The Song of Songs". It was written about 1000 b.c. by a man named Solomon. (Chapter 5:2-6; The New Living Translation):
Even though the bible deals very pointedly with sins of a sexual nature it also deals very lovingly and tenderly with sex and intimacy when it is in the proper context.
"Sex is like fire. In the fireplace, it’s warm and delightful. Outside of the fireplace, it’s destructive."
How were your current views on sex and sexuality shaped? From the list below pick the one thing that had the greatest influence on shaping your current sexual views.
Parents
Older siblings
Friends
Media (TV, Movies, Magazines)
Personal experiences (good or bad)
Religious Teachings
Other______________
It is usually during adolescence that we first become awakened to the fact that we are sexual beings. However, our attitudes toward sex are being formed from the time we are born.
From birth boys and girls are treated differently. Boys wear blue and girls wear pink. Boys are given balls and trucks to play with and girls are given dolls and teddy bears. Dad's wrestle with boys in the floor while mom's cuddle little girls and read to them.
Early on children observe the role modeling of their parents. They observe who is dominant and who is submissive. They observe and react to tension (fighting) in a relationship. They also observe and react to love, warmth, intimacy in a relationship.
Children look to their parents to affirm their sexuality. Little girls want to be affirmed by their father. "You're my little princes." "You are going to be the prettiest girl at the prom." Young girls will often compete with their mothers for the attention of their father. Young boys want to be affirmed by their mother. "You're my little man." "Oh look how strong you are." Usually, during puberty, the roles are reversed. Boys seek affirmation from their father and Girls seek affirmation from their mothers.
Some believe that gender confusion is the result of improper bonding experiences in childhood.
Children of stable marriages and good parentage will most often adopt healthly attitudes toward sex.
Children who have experienced violence, divorce, or abuse in the home may adopt very unhealthy attitudes toward sex.
Genesis 3: 9-11
9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
5. In a very short period of time Adam and Eve went from being "naked and unashamed" to being "naked and ashamed." What happened?
Essentially man's awareness of his nakedness, after acquiring knowledge from the God-forbidden fruit, was a result of his alienation from god in the process. Formerly, Adam and Eve were living in a wholesome fellowship with one another and God. They did not see themselves over against God and each other but accepted each relationship without question. Now they suddenly became aware of their otherness. "Adam is looking at me," muses Eve, and she must hide from him, or vice versa. "I must not let God see me like this," they both feel. The "I, thou" replaces the "we" of their previous relationship. When Eve was encouraged by the serpent to think that God was not really concerned about her, the alienation had already begun. When she ate of the fruit, it was consummated. "God is God and I am I, and I am prepared to go it alone."
The Broadman Commentary volume 1 revised pp 130
Sex apart from oneness = shame. Oneness means oneness with your partner, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Also, there must be oneness with your creator.
Whenever the triangle of the covenant marriage relationship is broken then sex becomes shameful.
6. Has there ever been a time when you felt guilt or shame as a result of sexual thoughts or activity?
Guilt and shame are both emotions. When we feel guilt or shame we must first determine if it is deserved or undeserved. Disobedience to God in any area of our lives should produce guilt and shame. However, not all guilt or shame is deserved. Satan is full of deceit and he loves to trick us into deceiving ourselves. Satan loves nothing more than to trick us into feeling unworthy and to make us suffer the shame we do not deserve.
Oftentimes parents, and the church, has used guilt and shame in an effort to curtail sexual thoughts or desires. Because of this some people are never able to fully enjoy the pleasure that God desires for a husband and wife to have.
In situations where guilt and shame are deserved remember that God's grace can restore us to a state of righteousness and purity. There is no sin that God cannot and will not forgive totally and completely.
The ultimate sex act!
Throughout history is seems as if man has been on a quest for the ultimate sex act. In the first century men were stepping outside the marriage relationship in order to
experiment with homosexuality (Romans 1:26-27). Since that time mankind has experimented
with an endless variety of perversions in the quest for something better.
I have good news and bad news. The good news is I have discovered the ultimate sex act. The bad news is there are few in our generation who will ever experience it.
The ultimate sex act will take place when you are 80 or so years old. It will happen on a summer night when you are sitting on the porch swing with your
soul mate of 50-60 years. Having shared a lifetime of memories together you sit in silent contentment. With gentle affection you take your partners hand. In response comes a smile and a gentle squeeze and you know in that moment that you are at one with each other and at one with God.
A History of Sexual Attitudes
:
(Below are some excerpts from a paper titled "The History of Love and Sex. Whereas I do not agree with much this author has to say, the portion printed below appears to be historically accurate.)
I thought it would be interesting to see the dramatic changes in sexual attitudes over the past 2 millennium.
Roman Empire (27 BC. - 385 A.D.)
Pagan love in Rome was guilt-free, lusty, unfaithful and deceitful. Romans preferred sex without philosophy or significance. Most "liberated" Roman feminists failed to find emotional satisfaction.
Decline of the Roman Empire ( 100 AD. - 385 AD.)
Roman empire started surrendering to a bizarre new religion....Christianity. Rome then plunged into an asceticism of joyless and guilt-laden sex. Christians linked all Roman evils to sex and pleasure. It was believed that celibacy was superior to marriage.
Rise of Christianity and the Dark Ages (385 AD. - 1000 AD.)
People became preoccupied with sex as Christians turned sex into a guilty and sinful activity. In 585 A.D., the Catholics argued that women did not have a mortal soul. For Christians, marital sex was performed only to conceive a child.
Pre-Renaissance Rise of Courtly Love (1000 - 1300)
The start of courtly love and the creation of the romantic ideal began in the 11th Century. In Southern France, noblemen developed a completely new set of love concepts from which a unique man/woman relationship arose that was previously unknown to Western civilization.
Courtly love or "true love" was a clandestine, bittersweet relationship of endless frustrations. Such a relationship was supposedly spiritually "uplifting", making the knight a better man and warrior. No love existed in marriage, but the pain of frustrated courtly love was considered uplifting, and exciting. The act of sex was considered false love but "true love" was kissing and touching.
The Church vs. the Renaissance (1300 - 1500)
Priests and religious fanatics began a 300-year period of flagellation where they paraded in hordes from twon to town praying and whipping themselves and each other into bloody pulps.
The struggle was between the darkness of religion and the enlightenment of the Renaissance.
By 1450, the official Catholic dogma was established that witches existed and could fly by night. All Physically desirable women were projected by the church as evil sorceresses. The church was losing its power and this was their means to fight the rising rationalism and happiness brought on by the emerging Renaissance.
Renaissance enlightenment with its atheistic echoes made sex seem not so sinful and disguisting as the church projected. The middle class began to associate sex with love.
The Puritans (1500 - 1700)
Puritans were not anti-sex. Quite to the contrary, they were value-oriented about love and sex. even romantically sentimental.
16th Century Puritans tried to combine the ideals of love with the normality of sex into marriage.
17th Century Puritans were pious and severe, but were also romantic.
18th Century Puritans started hellfire-and-brimstone sermons.
19th Century Puritans developed the stifling prudishness of the Victorians.
The Age of Reason (1700 - 1800)
By mid-18th Century, emotional love had fallen out of favor among the upper classes and intellectuals (rationalists). They wanted a new approach that would be more stable and productive. They turned from emotion to reason. Theology and metaphysics yielded to mathematics and physics. They scorned enslavement to emotion. Emotionalism became intolerable to men in the Age of Reason. They wanted women of intellect. They separated or dichotomized the mind from the body.
Almost any behavior was acceptable as long as emotions were concealed.
Victorianism (1800 - 1900)
Victorianism stood for high "moral" standards, close-knit families and glorified views of women. At the same time, prostitution was widespread and the structure of marriage was crumbling as women began revolting against their oppressive" glorified" status.
The clinging-vine personality in women developed: Women should be modest, virtuous and sweet. They should be weak and anxious to lean on and be dominated by strong men.
Togetherness concepts developed. With his sweet home-making wife, a new style of home-life patriarch arose. The stay-at-home husband was to spend every available hour with his good wife. Women had to be "morally" spotless. This led to excessive prudishness in word and actions.
United States Surgeon General, William Hammond, stated that decent women felt not the slightest pleasure during intercourse. Many doctors considered sexual desire in women to be pathological and warned that femald passion could cause sterility. Many thought only prostitutes could enjoy sex.
Emergence of Twentieth Century Romantic Love (1900 - 1930)
With the partial emergence of capitalism grew a new age of romantic love. America's increasing divorce rage reflected not the failure of love but the increasing refusal of people to live without love and happiness.
Love patterns of all modern societies were replaced by America's model because so many people were drawn to the romantic love style that combined sexual outlet, affectionate friendship and family functions, all in a single relationship. Romantic attraction not only became desirable, but became the only acceptable basis for choosing a lifelong partner.
Modern Romantic Love (1930 - Present)
Free love and open marriage developed in the 20th Century along with progressive polygamy via repeated marriage and divorce. Sexual enjoyment was accepted as a human right.
Romantic feelings are not only for new loves and adolescents, but are also for long-married couples.
Modern romantic love is almost everyone's goal. Today, the value and purpose of romantic love is, above all else, directed toward the fulfillment of major emotional needs.
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